10.31.2009

am i hurt?

btw, what will you do if you realized that your friendship was just like a status?
answer me, please!

you told me that i'm you're best buddy and so did i.
i was meaning more that you meaning me apparently.

i'm not the perfect one.
i'm also not the best one.
but i already tried to be the loyal one to be your best buddy.

warned it! :
i'm not making myself become a friend who doesn't have sins.
i just wrote what i felt. and no offense to disturb anyone.

i gave my time and sacrificed my time for you.
to be together after months we couldn't meet.
i listened on your story and gave you advices if you needed.
to be more closer after stories we couldn't update.

so, months we never meet.
became so longer and maybe it could separate us.
it's too late to repair it, isn't it?
we were busy with our daily activity. with our new friends.

one questions:
am i hurt?
hurt by my own friendship which i built it with pains, smiles, laughs, and tears.

10.30.2009

APAAPANSIHH?!

ada pertemuan, ada perpisahan. is that right? ok. itu kata-kata yg slama ini orang ucapin.
nah, sekarang.

siapa yang gak emosi kalo liat orang publish tentang status relationshipnya di salah satu situs sosial terkemuka di dunia?
siapa yang gak emosi kalo di tuduh salah-salahan pas putus?
siapa yang gak emosi kalo di tuduh gak mau selesein masalah secara cepet?
siapa yang gak emosi kalo di tuduh sengaja diem?
siapa yang gak emosi kalo di depan muka malah minta nomor orang laen padahal baru putus?
siapa yang gak emosi kalo gak di percaya? di tuduh terima ajakan date cowok laen padahal sebenernya pergi rame-rame?

cape gak sih kayak gitu? cape gak sih nyiksa diri sendiri?
cape gak sih ngumbar rahasia di depan banyak orang? bukan cape sih, tapi:
MALU GAK SIH NGUMBAR RAHASIA DI DEPAN BANYAK ORANG? DI SITUS SOSIAL YANG BISA DI AKSES SEMUA ORANG??

uda cukup selama ini sabar, nahan diri untuk gak marah, ngrtiin orang tapi orang itu gak pernah ngrtiin balik.
selalu balikin omongan orang tapi gak pernah mikir apa yang semua keadaan bisa dibalikin terus. selalu bikin pikiran sendiri dan ujung-ujungnya NYAKITIN DIRI SENDIRI.

terus maunya apa sekarang?
puas kan semuanya uda selesai? seperti yang elu mau. yang elu pengen.
omongan gak bisa dipegang. bilang 1 bulan, taunya 2 hari uda sms. bilang sampe jam 12 malem, taunya beberapa menit kemudian sms lagi dan buat keputusan sendiri.

jangan harap gua mau ngemis apapun dari elu.
jangan harap gua minta elu balik lagi sama gua.
jangan harap gue bisa terima elu lagi setelah semua yang elu lakuin ke gua belakangan ini.
dan,
jangan pernah berharap nama elu ada lagi di hati gua.

gue uda terlalu KECEWA sama elu.
uda terlalu SAKIT gara-gara elu.
terlalu MARAH sama elu.
dan uda terlalu GAK BISA TERIMA elu lagi.

so. who cares?
satu lagi.
APAAPANSIHH ELUU?!

10.28.2009

new family :)

i got my new family. for sure :)
angeline fanardy - friscilla lydia as my grandkids.
patricia gabriella wijaya - joshua edbert as my kids.
and berry elen as my "husband".

FYI, i'm the grandma and mom for them.
is it weird? :P

no matter what people said. but i ♥ them. a lott!
they always beside me when i need to share.
they always make me smile. when i felt sad, cry, and blue
they always laugh together with me.
they'll always be my best friend ever in my high school life!

we'll do a lot of crazy things together :)
btw, our first journey was at the PI - EX, yesterday.
and my grandkids completed the second project.
the first project has completed when we were at a-memorable-place.

i've been ready!

i have been ready to let you go from my life.
but not from my heart :)

10.22.2009

.

i never hate you.
i just too love you until i can't allow you back to me.

tears.

i have no more tears.
i have no more waters.

i'm too hurt.
i'm too sick.
i'm too weak.
i'm too egoist.
i'm too dumb.

i couldn't cry, i couldn't scream.
i couldn't mad, i couldn't angry.

i'm just too tired with this condition.
my heart doesn't want to let you go. i'll never be ready anymore.
i wanna cry. but i couldn't.
i couldn't do anything. i just could shut up.
i keep this alone. i keep this pain alone.
none know about this.
how deep this pain. how suffer this pain.
how weak i am. how unbelievable this.

where's your promises? where's your loyalty?
where's your heart? where's your empathy?
where's your love? where's your care?

tired. hands up. over.

i'm TOO TIRED
i HAND UP
and.
IT'S OVER

so, what must we do?
you sacrificed your own choice.
i let you go. just because you're too pathetic.
you let me go. and so do i.

just follow your heart voice.
it's ME. you HURT me, a lot!

if my tears could say anything it want, it'll say:
" i'm just too tired to go down on your eyes and your faces. there's no more stock. empty. "

enjoying pangandaran trip! :D



woohooo! pangandaran yahud ajib manteppp :D
hasil jepretan itu banyak bangett, dari hape ini lah, itu lah, kamera lahh. mangstappp !!
anw, super dooper happy TO THE MAX. rumah gw asik smua orangnya, kcuali 3 manusia autis yang mungkin punya dunia sendiri.

and here they are: patty, gw, angel, sila, steph, keshia, vindy, lani, belinda, juni :)
kita buad kalung bareng b10 sebagai knang2an aja sih, tapi seruu. jadi keq gangster gitu pake bgituan rame xD

tapi yaa, kamarnya, rumahnya itu JOROK TO THE MAX. sayang sih gw gak foto kamarnya, tapi sumpii itu gak bangettt. mpe pas baru pertama kali masuk rumah harus di sapu dengan sampah debuan super banyak. tidur pun gak nyaman karena gerah - pengab - panas.
kamar mandi tuh juga gak gitu nyaman banget. scara b13 1 kamar mandi doang. mpe gw pernah boker ke kamar orang :P
kadang2 mati lampu lagii. hadoo. amfun dehh. hari trakir charge hp di tempat orang.

kita ke pantai buad tugas sosio yang disuru sosialisasi ma orang-orang. wawancarain nelayan.
ke cagar alam yang jalanannya super keren. licin, masuk goa, jalan b3 doang ma keshia - pak theo. trus ke pantai pasir puti yg emang keren.
sampe kaki gw luka kebeset karang. perih bin sakit asli :(



ada hiburan malam juga oleh: HENRY.
gw bingung, dy tuh mau aja di suru nyanyi. padahal suaranya itu gak bangett. sumpii dehh.
dy gak nyadar ya di ktawain gituu ma anak2? kasian gw..
anw, gw punya geng malem kmaren!
and here they are: gw, patty, ebe, sila, angel, berry, caocin.
ngobrol di teras rumah gw mpe malem gituu. mangstappp! seru bangett dehh.
pengen lagi, tapi mau di tempat yg lebih bagusan dkit n sama orang2 yg sama :D :D

even perjalanan ke sana gw harus tidur - mual sepanjang jalan ++ pantat tepos mpe 8 - 10 jam, pangandaran kasih gw pngalaman yg brarti:
  • hargain orang-orang skitar, termasuk guru - masyarakat
  • belajar buad brani mulay interaksi sama orang-orang baru
  • kebersamaan itu PENTINGGG!
  • bersyukur sama apa yg di kasih Tuhan buad hidup kita
  • tanggung jawab diri - moral - mental - fisik
  • MANDIRII !!
  • kompak sama temen2

10.07.2009

pangandaran

btw, minggu dpan ke pangandaran buat studi lapangan. 3 hari 2 malem gitu.
tugas di hutan, goa, blablablablabla. seabrek dah.
gw sih uda gak sabar bisa brangkat a.k.a niat pgi. tapi ntah knapa, tiba2 ada brita pangandaran siaga 1 menurut BMKG Indonesia.
alhasil, jadilah proses hasut-menghasut yang dilakukan beberapa anak supaya gak jadi ke pangandaran. mpe orang tuanya gak mau dateng lah, ini lah, itu lah. whatever dah.
yang gw bingung, gak ada tuh brita tentang pangandaran siaga 1, byasanya kan langsung heboh tuh di TV ato di website koran online. nyokap gw juga bilang gak ada.
malah smua orang masih terpusat sama gempa di padang sno. at least, klo ada britanya pun, pasti ada di kompas.com. mpe gw cari di google juga gak ada, adanya malah siaga 1 gempa taon 2006 lalu.

beberapa hari yang lalu, ada 1 orang yang sempet bilang gini sama gw. buad gw super shock ma kata-katanya:
"bagus klo ada 1 anak IPEKA yang mati pas di pangandaran, gw dmen IPEKA di tuntut"
what the hell? klo 1 anak mati, lu juga dalem bahaya lah. gak mikir ya --'
pak widi kemaren juga bilang: "dimana rasa cinta dan memiliki skolah ini klo smua anak mentalnya kayak gitu?"
untuk case ini, gw stuju ma guru satu itu. yaa, scara klo mikir gampangnya gitu. klo uda ngomong mpe mati gitu, ngapain masuk IPEKA?

mnurut gw sih ya, mndingan pgi deh. bukan masalah mau nganter nyawa ato gak ya, tapi lebih ke arah tanggung jawab tugas yang di kasih di sana.
dari jaman ke jaman, yang namanya studi lapangan, smua anak di angkatan itu dapet tugas yang sama. yang bdain paling IPA-IPS. trus klo gak ikut, ada tugas pengganti yang sama persis ma tugas studi lapangan yang di adain sama skolah itu.
brarti klo gak ikut = urus smuanya sendiri. dari ijin, cari tempat, blablabla.
yang jadi pertanyaan gw, styap anak yg tau hal itu cuma bilang dengan entengnya:
"pake google earth aja", "nyontek aja sama orang", ato jawaban sejenis itu yang terkesan ngegampangan sesuatu.
trus klo smua orang mikir kayak gitu, mnding gak usah ada studi lapangan dong?

percaya sama Tuhan klo Dia gak bakal kasih kita sesuatu yang kita gak bisa hadepin, yang di luar kemampuan kita. yakin aja klo everything will be fine.
suggest otak klo smuanya bakal okay2 aja, dari pgi sampe pulang selamat tanpa kurang suatu apapun.
daripada kita protes? toh sampe orang tua smua ngumpul, IPEKA gak bakal batalin acara.
mikir aja gini, uda bayar biaya smua dari transport mpe hotel, tau2nya gak jadi gara2 smua orang tua protes. klo kita yang di posisi mereka gimana? sakit juga kan?
guru-guru juga sebenernya gak mau pgi, tapi itu kewajiban. itu yang namanya tanggung jawab sama keputusan yang uda diambil plus resikonya.

kita juga sama kok. pangandaran itu bersifat wajib a.k.a semua anak harus ikut. itu juga tanggung jawab kita. empati sdkit lah :)

10.06.2009

first post on october.

a messy first week!
it drove me CRAZY. omigosh.
after singing happy-happy because of some parties, i must face a fact that my result of the mid-term test was so disappointed. anw, i thanked God, i musn't take a remedial for some subject. example: sociology, geography.
like an english mid-term test, i thought i could pass this exam finely. and hopefully, i will get a good score. but you know? i was only get 74 on this test. and our social class has a lowest score than science class. what a shame! we always lose.
my mid-term report will be taken by my parent this friday :(
i can't change anything about the scores but i hope my dad will not angry with me. my scores was getting lower than the year before.
and my mathematic teacher has just taught that he will not change anything about our score before this report divide. i can sure you, this score will really so worst! as usual.
what a stressful week! arghh.