a-'boom'-boost

thank God I already passed one event that really afraid about happily even though it was far from my plan especially for the participants. everything was good either :)
BUT, it's not the end of my busy day. beside I have to concern about my lecturing days, I suppose to finish my last job as one of consumption division for the next two days event. OK, it seems not very hard too. in fact, there are still so much to do to be finished in this last two days.
I surely can say that my expectation for this division is disappointed. in one side, I disrespect with the committee and should underline this: my coordinator, indeed. don't know how to say but I almost do her job myself because she was far way to be reached for and hardly to be phoned or communicated. in condition that this division still only had a lil' progress for the day. anyway, it's already better. I mean, the preparation only needs some things to do again, but STILL I don't know about the progress and the data don't synchronize with equipment division. kinda tired of giving attention for this one.
another feeling had come to me recently. I feel not capable to be a part of this committee. I don't help much, I always could not involve when the others looked for funds by selling some products or playing instrument for restaurants. I did not work properly as the responsibility is given to me. in some ways, most of people on that committee give me that permission to never involve those activities after I got very tired with expos on every wave (it was extremely tired), but I just want to help. in the end, I do nothing for my division.
last but not least, I can't get comfort this the people inside. there is something less which makes me not enthusiastic for the event. in other words, I feel like there's no nothing to do in this weekend. how do I feel so terrible with this kinda situation. I mean, I should earn more spirit because it's already two days before. sometimes I want to be participants who only have to follow the activities there.

in summary, I should do those things. I have to. I must. I'm just praying the best for this event and let God do the rest. then, I'm trying to hold my anger until the event finishes. a friend of mine said to me that I have to be careful not to explode when I hold it. just a small wish, hope it can be true :)

screaming inside.

in the end, I should say that I can't hold on this any more.
crying without any reasons is really weird. don't know how to say, this explode habit drives me really crazy. I want to make it won't happen again. anyway, it obviously hurts. feel relieved after crying but it can't make me even better like what I want after that.
this pressure sounds like a light for some people. maybe it's just my mindset that it's heavy. then I get wrong in some ways for this. blame it on me because I'm just a tiny little narrow-minded girl. I'm labile. I'm weak. I'm a pity girl. I'm egoist. I'm tearful. I'm pretender. I don't deserve anything even better like this time. and, the most of all, I'm such a loser.
if anyone want to say something bad about me, do it. if anyone want to judge me, do it. and even, if anyone want to press me more, just do it! I'm done. I'm sick of this. it's better to know that I can leave in a sudden. in fact, I can't. eveything's going crazy. I'm not stuck. I don't want to quit before it finishes clearly. I'm trying to put more efforts and passions on those things. I force myself. I do everything the best of mine. but, fact says differently. I'm such a bad pretender. in the end, people will know what's going on with me then trying to give any revisions, any advices, or even a judgement. good or bad, I accept. true or false, I admit. but in my deepest heart, I want to scream and say everything I want to.
I just want an understanding even just for a little. it apparently happens because of me too. I always close my thoughts, the real me, the weakest me, the broken me from people. they even know I'm cheerful and happy girl, always can handle any situation. or being such a good thinker for some problems with some solutions. people see me strong. feel me fine, and touch me warm. I'm okay with that. but with who I can be me? I'm kinda exhausted with this condition. I really want to stop for a while. just for a while from this situation.

I'm tired, God :(

galau. Bandung, we're in holiday!

bandung, at last! ♥

after planned for times and failed, July, 17th-19th 2011, we went to Bandung. FYI, it's Angga's hometown!

had such a great short holiday here. full of eating, shopping, relaxing, and refreshing! went to some FOs, Ciater (like a jacuzzi, it was really fun!), Kartika Sari, dinner at the biggest foodcourt there, and many more!

felt like, 3 days were not enough to have fun. oh=kay, me and Albert had a long project from KMK, PMB 2011,  as I told you so.

 dinner at Sierra Cafe & Lounge! ♥

romantic view. good enough foods. nice talks. fun. enjoying this time.

 last but not least, we went to this phenomenal place. Trans Studio!

unfortunately, we didn't buy the tickers. if there is more people, it's gonna be superb-fun here :D

taking photos. sitting around. chit-chats.

and now, how do I miss these days!

want a holiday together again. really need.