maturity level? :|

someone told me:
a maturity level among people is different. understand them first, look at the positive side if they fed you up. what do you really expect from them who have a different maturity level with you? you won't force them to do what you know what they have suppose to do, will you? let them get their development as time goes by.
thanks for these words! :)

I know those words are true, really true.
a maturity level is formed by a long journey, problems, pains, and the way you react.
that is a short theory about maturity level. people realize about it.
anyway, what should I reply when people call me "labile", in fact they are still being like that label for me?
I kindly want to say sorry for being labile or unstable :)
but, I won't make any fight. I just make it as happy as I can in front of them.
I wish they can be wise before label a person with "labile".
see? even they already say they are mature enough, they still do immature thing like judging someone whom they don't really know?
then, for them whom act impolite, what should I do? holding uncomforted feeling? or telling them?
I'm not really sure they will accept advices which critic their attitude furthermore.
and once again, I should say that I will be very very very patient with those kind of people. though it challenges my patience, a lot.

a feeling hider.

you have to be patient.

they have their own problem as well.

take it easy.

smile!

it's ok. never mind. let it go.

keep spirit.

and, blah!

those words which I always hear. in every moment, I get something bad.

honestly, can I express what I fell freely? what should I do if anyone of you examine my patience?

should I cry? or keep silent?

what will you react if you see me mad? keep laughing like it's only a joke? or feeling any guilty?

what will people recognize about those things? silly? or serious?

and, should I response you like usual? only smiling and silent? crying like a kid? or yelling at you?

do I change? do I look different? do I do something which is really not me at all?

I exactly realize there are some differences within' me. not like me as usual.

somehow, I should be honest that I don't like being such a hider. a feeling hider, who always pretends.

I swear, being a feeling hider is not cool! have you ever felt you are cool enough if you can hide your feeling?

I torture myself.

I just don't want people feel uncomforted, because I know my limit when I get mad.

I can hurt all people with my words. my mouth such changing into a sharp knife.

I know I will be uncontrolled. no one can stop me to do what I want which is bad.

but, I can't hold this feeling alone. or only telling to God.

sometimes I need to express. let people know what I really feel in my heart, in my brain.

can I get it?

should I always cry when I can't hold on it any more? always ends with tears which is only me and God knows. or should I mad sometimes by taking the risk that you guys will judge me bad?

now, I'm really extremely exactly completely tired for being a feeling hider :(

botak! ♥

how I love this doll! ♥

its name is BOTAK! why? ok, this is story. my stupidity-fool.

Sunday morning, when my organization at campus prepared for a sin confession event. I came with this uber-cute doll. My friend, Albert, who was the photographer, tried to take some shoots from this doll. I asked him too indeed.

the climax was: when I saw the result on Albert's camera, I yelled: "but it's ugly, BALD!". in the same time, there was a monk walked behind me with his assistant. as we know, a monk in buddhist always has no hair (read: bald). the monk had an event for the buddhist organization in my campus.

it was out of my consciousness. my friends kept laughing when I did not what was going on there.

how silly I was. I really regret about this and if I have a chance to meet the monk, I will apologize.

after that day, people in my organization (read: KMK), called my doll with BOTAK. funny enough how it's being such a lovely doll though people always tease it ;p

btw, I'm sorry, Monk! :(

hatred vs forgiveness,

when people talk something bad about you, what will you do?
silence can not solve anything. you save all your feeling inside, the those will eat your heart slowly.
I remembered someone said to me about this:
when you share your problem to God, your load will decrease approximately 50%. when you share to others again, your load will automatically decrease as many as people you share your problem to. don't let yourself torture with your problem indeed. sometime you need someone to talk to and God never leaves you.
thanks for this words! :)

I mean, what you really feel when hatred surrounds you? is it a good or bad thing?
at the time you realize, how hatred controls you into something that you don not suppose to be. you have no going back. need a long time to active your heart voice indeed.
honestly, I'm not a kind of girl that easily forgive someone. but one year lately is such being a special point in my life. I mean, I learn how to control the hatred things then forgive
and, actually, I have felt the beautiful side of forgiveness. I had a problem with someone that annoyed me by words. first time, I felt like I wanted to kill someone. but after did some brain storming, I should say that forgiveness is the best way to keep your good relationship.
living with hatred only gives you another bad expectation and destroy your heart.
in the end, hatred can not solve problem, forgiveness does! :)

superduperuber friendship ♥

give me back.

it has been one year and two months since I decided to break up. yes, a break up. how fast time flies, but never does with this feeling. kinda tortured yet so unbelievable.
I really know that since that time, I suppose to forget all of thing he and I had. I should move on as well. in fact, there always gets a short time to remind how we used to be. the super-sweet things indeed. the moments where fight was being an usual thing. I'm proud to say that I miss that times, a lot.
my heart is changed into pieces, standing up above these is unable to do. because it still none can love me like he does. somehow, I still wonder if we are together like a couple in 2 years. what will we do? and how sweet this relationship? :(
it's really hard to forget about him. I know it's impossible. but, can you give me back my heart? so I can give it to other guy who is sent for me from God.

people come. people go.

there was a surprising event which happened lately. I did not know how could it happen, but it could be said weird. yes, the weird one. this is the complete story.
I was attracted with a guy since february, can not mention his bio indeed. I was being such a secret admirer where he does not know about it, I guess. In that time of admiring, I knew a guy who comes really in a weird time. First time, I enjoyed to talk with him, then he asked for my blackberry pin. Ok, we started to chat every day. after months, he showed to me that he liked me. I was shocked actually, because he also know that I was admiring to another guy.
since he told me so, there was a distance between us. despite my feeling of friendship, he maybe took serious about my feeling to the other one. I wish I could still be friend with him like we used to be. he said that I changed, but it was not really like he thought about. I tried to be neutral and I never wanted to give such an empty hope. I just do not want him to get wrong perception about my action to him. Ok, honestly, I ever felt the same feeling with him for a short time. and again, my business about finishing my event division made me forgot about it. the strong feeling to the other gains more. maybe it because the time I spent with the other one is more than him.
now, I have to adapt with this new condition which is different with the old one. hope the best for him. get the best woman he ever has in his life indeed :)

I really kicked with this word.

people come, people go.

happy-bday-angga!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Angga Pangestu Moeis!

played a fool game then, SURPRISE :D

hope the best for you :)

happy-bday-to-me.

okey, it has been a long time since my birthday. actually, this year was the best birthday ever! I mean, how I love my friends around my boarding house. KMK people exactly. such a honor to know all of you guys! maybe thank you is never enough :)

my treat was held at BK, Sarinah. after did some lies for some people whom I can't ask for joining this quality time indeed. being such a super happy girl with my best. surprised from my brother and his girlfriend (thanks too!). both of them gave me a big portion of 6 different flavors of instant noodles also some cowy things. then, they tricked me by hided my presents. I came back with some bad feelings. I wanted my presents back as soon as it possible but I felt that they would give me another 'surprise'. it happened anyway.

say HI to a dirty-smelly dough which was made by them! honestly, it was really hard for me to clean my body. my clothes either. but, that was an uber-sweet birthday I ever had :D

wel-come back! :D

after all those days could not post anything, had lots tasks and assignments, now I'm coming back. literally, this blog will fulfill with stories which can't be told to others directly. hope if someone see those posts will realize or consider about something.

wel-come back! :D

anw, that photos was taken by Albert when we went to Ancol with some friends of us :)