happy mom's day! (:

hey, that's my mommy. my lovely mommy.
none can change my love for her. started when she pregnant for nine months, until now: she still beside me.
mom's sacrificing, mom's love, mom's care, mom's heart.
there would be so precious for me and my brother.
sorry mom if we always make you disappoint, make you sad, make you unhappy, and being naughty children.
so sorry too if we always break you words, ignore your words, and still being kids moreover we're getting older - growing for our own future.
but, i think, if i must write a list of thanks, it will be so long lists. because many thanks i have to say to mom.

mom did it unconditionally. mom just want to see us happy even sometimes mom has to be fierce.
i always pray for mom, for everything mom gonna do in mom's life. and my prays will always walk along with you, mom. hope everything will be fine and great until i can make you proud of me and happy to see me success in my life, because of your effort to make it true.

my mom is the best in the world ever! i ♥ you so much, with all of my heart i said to you.


happy mom's day, people!

i'm for you.

where are youu? :(
have you ever thinking about me? have you ever feel that i stand next to you?
i don't want to loose you anymore. never!
even you hurt me, even you made me disappointed, even you have left me: i'll always there for you.
i knew this condition was not easy, it's too hard, i thought.
but you will pass it surely (:
share with me if you need, talk to me if you want, meet me up if you have to
but please, don't shut up and keep all of this alone.
because right here, right now, i'm for you.


anw, i have promised myself. i don't want to be a stubborn girl.
and i learn how to smooth my heart for you and for us.
that's only i can do. that's only i can try.

dunia semakin gila?

aku termasuk di dalam bagian dunia yang semakin gila ini. pikiran tak bisa dibatasi untuk hal yang semestinya mustahil, tapi otak ini terus dipaksa berpikir dan berpikir sampai kehabisan tenaga lalu mengakibatkan malas berpikir serta menjadi pasrah. bukan masalah tentang hubungan percintaan ataupun keluarga, hanya menyangkut kinerja otak dan cara berpikir dalam menanggapi setiap perubahan yang ada. entah sampai kapan aku bisa bertahan. bingung juga. sudah cukup stress malah dibuat jadi lebih stress lagi. aku tak ingin hal yang macam-macam cuma ingin sebuah kebebasan yang seharusnya mulai dilimpahkan pada anak umur tujuhbelas tahun ini. baiklah, ini tak ada urusannya dengan ayahku atau ibuku. jadi jangan berpikir buruk dan mencari sesuatu yang tidak konkrit. tapi apakah perlu aku menulis sesuatu secara tersurat dan blak-blakan di sini? mungkin iya, tapi kapan-kapan. sedang tidak dalam kondisi yang baik untuk menceritakan sesuatu dan menulis untuk merangkai kata yang membuat orang lain tidak sakit hati karena jaman sekarang ini, banyak sekali yang suka melihat lalu menyebarkan itu menjadi kabar burung kemudian menambahkan bumbu cerita yang malah memperkeruh suasana.
aku menulis ini dalam bahasa indonesia karena aku sudah bingung jika harus ditulis dengan bahasa inggris. lagipula aku orang indonesia, jadi aku tulis dalam bahasa ibuku dan berusaha memakai bahasa indonesia yang baik dan benar dengan ejaan yang disempurnakan.
dunia semakin gila, aku tahu karena aku merasakannya. banyak faktor sebenarnya, secara tak langsung orang terdekat pun bisa jadi salah satu faktor itu. dan yang terutama adalah pikiran yang menyiksa ini akan satu hal yang lama-lama membuat gila. aku harus memutuskan sesuatu yang berkaitan dengan masa depan, bukan soal kuliah, soal yang lain. dan ini mungkin akan menyakitkan orang lain. jadi maaf jika aku tak siap untuk menghadapi semua ini.

status?

status: in a relationship to ...


for me, it's only a status. a status for your existence.
i'm a kind of people that not interested if i must declare my status for people consumption.
that's my privacy, man! :D
when he asked me: are you ok if we're in a relationship yet?
i answered him as i told before. it's just a status.
i don't need a status. i need you.
so, is there a status giving an influence for a relationship? besides, declaring it?
it's just about how will you do to hold your existence in front of friends.


are you scared if friends said you're a single for the rest of your life? ok, it's joke :p
i'm not so scared, just a little. but i don't really think of it.
i know people want a confession from other people around them.
but just to hold an existence? i don't agree totally!

it's begun again.

i can't get you back to that one time when we hurt each other.
i just can get you move on to the brighter time when we're being together.
someday, we will remember what we have done and will tell stories for people.
i have tried to set my mind free from you. from ours.
but my heart sound screamed that i will never do this and never be strong.
even people mad to me and said i'm stupid or anything, i don't care.
i can't lie that i love you. and our strory has just begun again (:

my commitment (:

almost three months i can't stop thinking about you. your condition especially.
when you arrived at the same place we met first, i couldn't meet you.

i have commit myself to be a good daughter for my dad. and accept his words.

because i know one thing that never change: he always wants the best for me (:


i built a defense in my heart.
a very strong defense which built by tears and sorrows.
i forced myself to be ready to face this hurting truth.
a very hard effort until i can be ready like now.


smile. it's the best symbol to show for anyone.
and laugh. it's the best way to remove my tears.
i know my effort will be not useless if i still survive with my defense and remember how difficult to get ready.
and i must remember about my dad - his love - his protect - his care - his sacrifice for me.
i won't disappoint him, because for me: family is the priority one (:

i have to learn how to be strong even my heart still felt pain.

regards.

at the first time we met, we were too young to feel what love it's.

we played as a couple of best friend and promised as children who never thought what will happen soon.

at the beginning you love me, we were too selfish to recognize that we will belong together.

we thought as a young teen and ignore the feeling which just to be a opinion: it's a feeling because we're so close each other.

at the time you asked me, i was too dumb to answer that i love you too.

we act as a nervous band member and still hope for the sweetest one. 

and at the last time we talked, we were too late to realize what have we had together.

we regret about all of this and stuck without any action to solve it. we were too hopeless, no more energy, and too tired.

i lied to you at the beginning you love me, my egoist thought control me too strong to not break our friendship since we were 3 years old. trying to stop loving you is the worst part of my life and never come true whatever with the ways i have done. though i got pains and sorrows, i still like the same. still loving you.

i'm too weak to face the truth. rather be a weak girl in front of people than acting like a strong girl but inside i'm broken.

these would be my last confession that i ever be a part of maveilica. our name for ours. i don't make a statement that i'm stopping to try. but i just want a new relation, really new. whatever it's, friend or maybe a couple. i never want to lift our past problem which too complicated and never finish if we still talk about it.

i want the best for us. i wanna stop this fire part. i wanna get you back for my life.

that's all i need from us. and i still remember every moment we had together. from we were young until we're loving each other (:

best regards,
ex. maveilica  ♀

first and last.

let me ask something: what will you do when you realize that a person in front of you was the best for you? will you let him go? will you sacrifice anything for him? will you leave anything for him? will you trust him to be your mate until you die? will you allow him to get in your heart and your soul? will you close your heart except him? will you stop crying? will you thank God?


i'm here beside you. with all i have in this world, and even the littlest things.
i can't stop crying when i remind about you: your smile, your heart, your attitude, your words, and you love.
i can't feel anything again after we apart. only tears which can be my words for anyone.

my heart is empty. without you. and i'm alone here.

i need you, and you're the only one my needed as i take my breath.
i'm lying if i say: i don't love you anymore! :(
my lip can say about it, but my heart? it's a fake.
this condition really suffer me. really build a biggest pain in my heart.
a biggest hole that will never get a cure by any medicine, any doctor, and anyone.

never force to find someone else.

it's hurt me. a lot. fully. directly. and making the hole bigger - bigger.
i try to not think about you, but i can't. never can.
i kept this pain alone. my tears fell down again again again.
there will always a crackle feeling in my heart when i feel your love again. feeling like i'm alive.
for something that i must to be dare to obey the rules and the warning is a must and a needed to get you back to me whatever by the ways.


i'll never let you go again. i'll sacrifice everything. i'll leave everything. i'll trust you to be my mate for ever. i'll allow you to go inside my heart and to get my soul become yours. i'll close my heart for anyone except you. i'll stop crying.
and i'll thank God because i've you in my life. my first and my last love (:
but, if you allow it. if you don't, there will always the same.

a list of thanks.

thanks for everything you have given me in my life.
thanks for your smile and your spirit of love beside me whenever.
thanks for becoming my ideal and real needed.
thanks for every single word you warn me.
thanks for making me maturer than before.
thanks for accepting me as i am.
thanks for teaching me how to be a good girl.
thanks for your ocean eyes which always make me calm.
thanks for unlimited love, still the same as before.
thanks for making me survive.
thanks for letting me done with all of this things.
thanks for holding me when i'm down.
thanks for digging me up from my lowest point in my life.
thanks for looking me in positive sides.
thanks for calling me in special words and none can change it.
thanks for leading me in every step i take.
thanks for giving me beautiful moments to remember.
thanks for reminding me when i forget about something even if it's an unimportant thing.
thanks for your attention fully to me.
thanks for being there when i dying.
thanks for waiting me in every condition. especially the most sweet one (:
thanks for your jealousy. it means a lot: you'll not allow anyone else to have me except you!
thanks for staring my life.
thanks for your experience about life.
thanks for every things you have given.
thanks for sweetest actions and attitudes to me.
thanks for missing me when i'm not beside you.
thanks for finding some unexpected view for me.
thanks for thinking about our future.
thanks for ignoring me when i feel worthless.
thanks for changing your bad habits.
thanks for hearing my advices, my words, my story, and my bad dream.
thanks for awaking me when i got a bad dream and there to accompany me.
thanks for offering me your kindness, your responsibility.
thanks for taking me out from my biggest fear.
thanks for starting my life with a warm smile.
thanks for shining my life.
thanks for drawing an unmatched picture on my heart.
thanks for knowing me as well as you can do.
thanks for listing me on your first person in your life.
thanks for falling me in your deepest heart.
thanks for saving me from anything that can danger my life.

***
in fact, there still many thanks. for everything.
even a littlest thing!
i don't have any reason why i love you. but i have many reason why i must be thankful to you (:

1st anniversary! (:

hey! happy 1st anniversary [TRI.GO].

love y'all, girls!

we can hold this friendship. even we rarely met.

hope this friendship will last forever and everlasting (:

we must meet and share as soon as possible!

i already miss you all. last meeting was on 17th august.

it has been so long.

anw, it nearly holiday! we have much time to enjoy our holiday together.

always stick together in [TRI.GO] (:

a real friend.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
~Walter Winchell~

who believes and agrees with this quote statement? me, of course!

but, when will get them? exhausted for waiting for it.

a lil' sound from my heart said: you will get if you patient your heart.

ok. i'll be (:

so far, 12 people have already been my real friends. (i've not to tell, red-)

i can't count how much their kindness, their loyalty, their patient, their love.

they always stand beside me, whatever happened to me.

they erased my tears when i felt people run away from me.

they always know there's a pain though i showed my biggest smile.

they start my life when it will stop immediately.

they give their time and energy sincerely for me.

et cetera.

and it's all need. it's all i want.

that's why i really thankful for having them (:

how about others?

i don't really care about others. ignorance is a bliss.

someone. my best buddy. a real friend of mine.
i don't know why, but it changes.

maybe i did mistakes to her. or annoyed her. i really sorry if i did it honestly.

a change that so far from the old. i try to understand her condition and i still try to.

my pray always walks along with her. in every step she takes, in every condition she faces.

anw, sorry for this. i have to tell you about this: i don't have any envy with her especially with her new relationship. i really happy with it :D

first time, i mad. but i considered that to be a real friend, i have to mind - have to know my portion - have to let my anger control well.

i don't wear any masks, it's a real me.

i don't need a big respect, it's just my heart voice that i can't speak directly.

i just need a real friend. not a friend with a beautiful mask. am i wrong?

and, i love you, my best buddy (:

take care on your life. have a great day! :D

three pieces of two hearts.

when i saw these necklace, my head worked out quickly.
some memories are left inside it.
the 3 pieces of pearl means 3 years he waited for me. and be his.
the 3 pieces of pearl means 3 'shoots' for making me his.
between two hearts, mine and his. combine with loves.
i remembered when i got this, i cried. meaningful - will always be.
i do miss that time.when you put it on my neck.

shut up my mouth.

have i told you that i hate hypocrisies? and a hypocrite too?
i hate this condition. i hate to face this fact that my friend did it to me.
i hate to be mad. i hate to be a tearful girl.
i hate to fight. i hate to speak up with everything in my mind and my emotion.


so? what must i do?
i'm tired. too tired.
i don't need a hypocrite in my life. i don't need friend who just do hypocrisies.
i just need a freedom. freedom for that action.
wasting my time if i'm getting mad. wasting my energy if i'm thinking of it.
the best way: i close my mouth. i'll shut up. i'll keep this alone. just to know about them.
and even it hurts me, i gonna be strong. whatever it happenned.

r.c.n.m.v.w

it has been almost 13 years we had together. we close and stick each other.
thanks for our last night. you made me conscious hardly about that thing! (:
even you act like killers-blood-blue, you taught me how to make this world better without him.
thanks for your advice. thanks for your boast. and bunches thanks for your time.


love you, R.C.N.M.V.W!

everybody has changed.

change: everyone will happen about it but depends on the effect has got, the speed, and the factors.it's a sociology perspective.

i know everything gonna change as long as it needed and it's a must.

but one thing that i never understand, everybody got a fast change.

anyone can tell me?

i don't know why, but several time past, i felt it so strong.

some friends changed their action, their retired from an usual action.

it's a weird. and i still confuse about this.

for some people, i don't care. but for some best friends, i can't to not to care.

my teacher said: maybe they have to adapt with a new condition. they need to divide their time.

ok, i understood. i don't need their reply because of what i have done with them.

i just need a respect that i get before even it just a little. not a big care as a selfish person.

i try to understand. i have to understand maybe.

i just want everything's ok. simple but it'll really hard to prove it. (not a negative opinion, i have seen the truth)

and i realized consciously, everybody has changed as their wanted and also left anything behind them.

a move that not always good for everyone, but it always good for who has did.

dad's rule.

meeting someone who you love is like a big moment. long time no see. separate with time and distance. must communicate by virtual ways. missed that moment when he beside you and hold your hands. cheering up your mood. give his shoulder to be a place for your tears. his jealousy when you with someone else. his smile at everything happened in our moment. and a touch from your heart to my heart that none can do this like you do.

those were being my desires, my pleasure, and my biggest hope.

i'll never get all of those above. you know what?

my dad's rule. yeah, dad's rule. the head of family has told the rules to me with many comparison, many consideration about me and the best for me. oh hell about it, it's not the best for me. 

dad warned me to not meet him again. dad scared i'll cry, i'll fall down my tears because of him.

dad protected me as a kid. dad hates my action after i broke up.

dad wants my mood back as soon as possible. dad needs my real me not my acting.

thanks God i've a kindest dad. whatever dad does for me. i know dad loves me (:

but, i really want get back all of those things above. i missed him a lot.

fallin' again?

it's just a joke maybe. but sure, to be fallen again isn't a good decision for now.

i'm still willing about my past, hope it will repair my heart and will make me braver to start to love someone again or love the same person. but i know, i'm stuck on this condition.

btw, my friend told me last night: you must try to start a new relationship, minimally you try to open you heart for someone else who honest to you.

okok. she's caring, but with her statement. thanks a lot! :D

" wanna falling in love with you again. i don't have to try, it's so easy who needs pretend. because it's so funny! let's just think about it honey (: "

a cool lyric with a cool song - music - singer. (jason castro - let's just fall in love again. download!)

anw, i wanna pretend like i never know about and we start again from zero with a loyalty - an honest heart - a bunch of love - a pocket of care - a random thing between us - anything that can make us together.

but, it's also a joke man! it'll never be. i realize about it.

it's final.

when my mom asked me: what's going on between you and him?
one statement i could say: i don't know, mom. everything gonna be worst.


when my brother asked me: have you tried to finish everything as well as both of you could do?
one action i could show: shake my head left to right - right to left.


when my dad asked me: could you get him off from your life?
no statement, no action. i'm speechless.


when my best friend asked me: why did you still thinking of him? he always hurt you.
i'm not speechless. i left her. i didn't want to hear it again.


but,
when he asked me: would you be mine again? please.
i'm sure that my answer never made me regret: NO!
i knew everyhting's changing fast. also you, me, and us.
and it will never back as you wish.

you couldn't be said by words. more than beautiful words.
you're not my everything. for now and ever.
even i realized my heart still yours and my love is had by you,
but i decided to close my heart for you. to take my love from you.
hurt, love, care - it just deathly feelings that i ever can feel again.

trust in You (:

" Percayalah, Dia pasti sanggup. Tangan-Nya tak akan terlambat untuk mengangkatmu. Percayalah Dia tak akan tinggalkanmu "


btw, ini salah satu dari lirik lagu gospel yang lagi senengsenengnya gw puter di playlist.
rasanya tenang aja abies denger lagu ini. gw percaya ma Tuhan. dan gw setuju dengan lirik dari lagu ini.
sebenernya sih bukan cuma lagu ini doang. masih banyak lagu pujian kristen yang gw blajar di skolah yang kena di gw. (gw slalu kebaktian seminggu skali di skolah, -red.)


belakangan ini ada aja masalah yang bnerbner bikin gila.
scara family sih, it's ok.
scara relation ma sahabat, ok - ini masalah utama.
scara love life, ini juga masalah.
tapi gw tau Tuhan pasti bantu gw. right? (:

a paper. a heart.

a piece of paper is written by a marker.
it can't erase by anything. even a thiner.
it can't change by anyone. even a prison.
these have been drove everything in the paper.
a paper was so soft and easily to tear.

when it has teared, it will never back into a paper like first.
even we try to stick with anything, but it will never.
when it has written, it will never back into a empty paper.
even we try to erase with anything, but it will never.


it's the same like heart.
when it hurts, it will never back into a health heart.
even we try to cure it with anything, but it will never.
when it breaks, it will never back into a heart like first.
heart: easily to be hurt.
and it will affect anything in life.


my heart = a paper.
and,

should i be hurt by you?

you're too far to me to reach. it's impossible.

i don't know what i'm feel right now. about you. about us.

every step i walked. every minute i left. every breath i took.

i really missed you. with all of you. anything about you.

best in me.

from the moment I met you I just knew you'd be mine 

you touched my hand 

and I knew that this was gonna be our time 

I don't ever wanna lose this feeling 

I don't wanna spend a moment apart

 cause you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do 

that's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you 

every day that I'm here with you

I know that it feels right

and I've just got to be near you every day and every night 

and you know that we belong together 

It just had to be you and me

by: blue.

song: best in me.

it's a very good song, isn't it?
and it will always one person who can be best in me.
he never change my heart with his action. it just make me more love him, whatever it's cause.
you're the first and the last who take my heart fully until i can't find the way to go out from this.

i do love my blog (:

blogging is the best way to express what you felt.
i swear about it. at least, you feel a little free. however, hold everything isn't always good.
even it can make people blind with what you felt.
i can write anything i wanna write. any feeling. it's better than you have to mad with people.


i can ignore everyone who looks my blog.
and then they will tell it to another friends and become a gossip.
but, who cares?
as i said, if they open my blog and be like a trash, it means they're kepoers.
i really glad about it (:

should i care?

hey! harus gak sih gw peduli sama orang yang gak peduli sama gw?
orang yang selalu mau di cari duluan, tapi gak mau cari orang duluan?
orang yang gak ada kabarnya? giliran di tanyain malah cuma "he-eh he-eh" doang? gak di bales malah.
orang yang selalu sibuk? giliran gw sibuk, malah di katain sibuk banget.
orang yang ngorbanin waktu cuma sedikit untuk ketemu? giliran sama tementemennya bisa lama banget dengan banyak alasan.
orang yang sulit diajak share? dengan tanggapan yang sulit di percaya.
orang yang cuek? lalu nge-judge gw yang gakgak.
et cetera.


so? harus gak? worth gak?
jujur aja, gw sih uda cukup cape dengan keadaan kayak gini.
cape untuk ngalah. cape untuk jadi orang yang baik di mata mereka dan sematamata itu untuk pertahanin hubungan ginian.
cape untuk bilang "iya" pas di ajak pergi karena pasti bukan hal yang benarbenar membuat gw senang.
cape untuk ketemu dan cerita dengan tanggapan yang gak bisa di percaya klo mereka ngelakuin hal itu.
cape untuk peduli karena mereka gak pernah benarbenar peduli ma gw.
cape untuk selalu kasih kabar duluan karena mereka gak pernah nanya kabar gw duluan.


and totally,
i'm too tired to continue this relation!
too much i have sacrificed for them. too long i have waited for them.
too crazy i have survived with this damn condition.
too little i have my feeling for them now. past, they have became my best.
too hurt if i always remind about it.


i'm tired to be hurt by anyone. it's enough.
should i care? it's my question!

my blog's back!

thanks God to the maxxxxx this blog can open again!
for some days, it can't open. i don't know where it's wrong but i can't access any blog.
i have changed my blog link. i affect nothing.
my connection was lost for minutes. my brother repaired it.
anw, it works.
thanks broo (:


blogspot has a new look! cool man :D

national exams?

it's totally crazy.

i'm on 12th grade already. and soon, i have to take my last school exam also national exam.

it's usual. but it changes into unusual because of the government policy about the movement of the national exam. (click to look the policy!)

some rules changes into some disaster for everyone.

imagine it! you will take your national exam, but you're not with your friends. but with many different students from schools which in the same district. ok, this is the first one.

the second one, the national exam will be begun on the third week of March. it means the national exam move faster than last exam. so, students just have only three of four months to prepare all of this crazy subjects.

FYI, we will take three general subject: indonesian language, english language, mathematics.

the difference is on three additional subjects that adapted with class you have chosen.

for general school that only have two big class difference:

science class: physic, chemistry, biology.

social class: sociology, economic + accounting, geography.

there still some chapters of our book that we haven't learn it. and teachers run for it.

it's crazy, isn't it?

the third one, we have to get 5,50 for minimal score in each subjects. it increased 0.25 point than last. minimal 4.00 for two subject if you can't pass it and 4.25 in another subject.

if you can't pass it, it means you will enjoy the 12th grade again. except you take the C packet.

helloo?? the minimal scores always increase every year, but many student can't pass it.

how come about the national next year? are there the students that can't pass increase too?

the composition of each subject has appeared by the government.

i didn't really sure about it, but just (clickme!) to look and check about the composition.

the schedule of national exam also has appeared. and this: (clickme!)

i hope this post can help you and notice you about the info of national exam.

so you can prepare anything you have to do and face this exam readily!

good luck! (:

kepo-ing. kepoers.

anyway, this post will be in indonesian. because i'm sooooooooo mad and stress because of this damn action!

if someone feel alluded, i just can say: it's you business man! i don't care with you and your feeling. it's your fault to open my blog and read this post. and you feel alluded because of this.

this story beginning on situation:

skarang gw lagi dket sama 1 cowok. temen kok. anak satu skolah gw. trus gw sendiri dulunya uda knal dy, klo ktmu nyapa, say: hi like a normal people.

berawal dari kasus pangandaran lah itu, semua nightmare gw ini di mulay.

pertama, mulut salah satu anak IPA yg mencetuskan ide gosip di dpan para kawannya dan satu guru IPEKA (yang ini sih, bodo amad deh. gw juga gak pduli). ok, setelah ini, gosip ini cuma bertahan beberapa hari di skolah.

kedua, karena ada satu dan lain hal, gw ma 5 temen gw membentuk sebuah family tree. as i have posted on these blog. (click me to know and being a kepo people!)

nah, dari kasus family tree ini lah, smua orang jadi kepo dan mau tau urusan orang, cari-cari tau info di situs sosial, nglyad dari skolah, blablablabla.

satu anak sempet melakukan hal kepo-ing ini di salah satu situs jejaring sosial yang terkenal di dunia (you know lah). dari situ dy langsung ber-curiga ria tentang apa maksud di balik family tree ini, ada hubungan apa mpe bisa ada family tree. karena bagi dy, kedekatan para anggota family tree gw uda terlihat sejak di pangandaran.

kedua, setelah menjalani kehidupan sekolah selama 1 bulan dari kepulangan di pangandaran, hubungan gw ma family gw tambah dket. otomatis kalo deket gitu, ya gw jadi deket juga lah. pertamatama sih gak apaapa ngomong di skolah byasa aja. tapi sekarang, malah jadi bulanbulanan orangorang kepo.

kalo ngomong tuh kesannya salah, di lyadin. di tjietjiein. di tanyatanyain.

mau ngomong sama dy pun semakin bertambah sulit. dengan hadirnya para kepoers.

satu hal yang bisa gw lyad secara jelas, ada salah satu mata dari kepoers itu gak enak gitu natapnya. antara curiga, mau kepo, ato tindakan menyebalkan lainnya.

apalagi nyangkut soal anak-mantu gw. malah kadang gw ma sie grandpa juga dilyadin. ckck

kejadian paling menjijikan tuh kemaren.

critanya gw mau pgi b5 rame-rame. ya sudalah gw nungguin mpe pada mau jalan. soalnya ntar jalan ke puri nonton 2012, ada yg bawa mobil.

pas lagi nunggu. smua anak menjadi sangat kepo. ntah apa isi otak mereka.

ada yang nglyadin (bisa klyadan, gw keq lagi di omongin di belakang), ada yang bilang juga mau nonton 2012 di tempat yang sama. ada yang nanya gw uda jadian apa belom. ada yang ktawaktawa. ada yang nguntit sampe gw bnerbner klyadan naek motor. dan mereka smua mengucapkan selamat kepada grandpa karena dianggap uda jadian. 

loh! apakah ini smua sih?

skarang gw tanya, mau gak lu di gituin?

pas lu lagi deket sama orang (lawan jenis, -red.), mau gak lu di tjiein - di lyadin - di kepoin - di tanyain?

gw yakin jawabannya pasti gak! karena tingkah manusia emang gitu.

mau gituin orang, tapi gak mau di gituin.

trus skarang maunya apa? ngomong sini langsung! 

gak suka gw deket? bilang sini. jangan jadi kepoers.

gw gak mau kjadian yang sama keulang lagi pas gw sama salah satu di antara temen mereka dan ujungujungnya temen mereka ngjauin gw, ngatain gw di belakang, kepoin gw (dan orang itu memang sangat lah kepo di antara semua lelaki yang gw knal, -red.)

makanya, klo gak mau di gituin, jangan gituin orang!

toh slama ini gw juga gak pernah kepo ma lu. apa yang lu orang lakuin. lu mau deket ma syapa. mau ngapain. ngapelin syapa. pegi ma syapa. smsan teleponan ma syapa.

mau jungkir balik juga bodo amat deh! WHO CARES?

trus knapa lu smua gituin gw? 2 kali lagi. masih blom puas juga ya?

(:

this smiley, as you always want from me.

and i'll accept as it is.

smile. without you. and let you go.

from me. from my life.

but it's not from my heart.

because you're my heart. and will always like it.

i knew i'm fool.

the foolishness that made we're done.

but i'm glad to know who are you.

what have you hide behind me. and how did you respect me.

i'm driving crazy and insane past.

but now until the future,

no more tears. no more regret. no more cry. no more sadness.

no more mellowness. no more chance to allow you mine.

and where it hurts,

you can finish it properly finely directly.

so, stop caring about me!

i didn't need your care.

i just need to care about you. and your way to make me smile.

move on.

i couldn't stuck with these pain.

but i'm too weak.

i'll try to move on.

as i promise you. to live without you by my side.

so, it just hurt me.

because i've taught you a big lie.

i've missed the important one .

and it'll never come back to me.

i've regret. but it wouldn't affect anything.

even a sharpest knife hurt me,

it never give a pain like this.

although a biggest lie you've taught me.

it never make my tears fall down like this. and it always.

chicken!

who means your mind a chicken? anyone alluded?

i didn't want to allude you or someone who perceive CHICKEN. i just wrote what i felt.

so, if you alluded with this post, i have 2 words for you: WHO CARES?

btw, i met a chicken in my real life. not a chicken for meaning correctly but a human who acts like a chicken:

• acts like do nothing, whereas has did big hypocrisies
• feeling disturb when i near his thing (thing means: a human who got his act like an unimportant thing)
• a loser means a coward :)
• gives faults to me and negative thinking that i did it and i made it even i never did it and NEVER WANT TO DID IT, whereas did chicken own fault totally. because my brain is not idiot to do it for my friend!

i pretended nothing has happened. pretended it will be better if i accept as it is.

but when i tried, my feeling to pretend is gone. it change to hate because past, a chicken became my best friend. i never think will happen until it HURT me.

why did you act like this, huh?

have i ever made mistakes? just tell where it's yes!

and do not talk behind me like a loser, GENTLEMAN.

i will appreciate if you show your courage to tell me if you don't like me.

just be a man not a chicken.

i knew you have did it for twice. and i will never let you did it for the third times. ENOUGH.

don't throw you fault to your friend. it's not your friend fault.

but you just too stupid to hide you feeling and action in front of me.

please don't be an egoist man! stop warning person.

and i will ALWAYS REMEMBER you words:

" there will be not nothing between me and your friend "

to give you a new opportunity to repair you action?

it will be a big mistake i ever did in my life.

because i just give you opportunity to talk behind me and act like nothing happen in front of me.

and it's too stupid!

you started it, and i will end it.

no revenge. but just a special ignorance for you.

enjoy it, CHICKEN!