one place.

now, i'm inside the place when the last we met up
you know what? it meant too much pain for me
i still have to come to this place a lot of memories i can't never forget about you
so? what"s next?
i'm sitting beside our last chairs
looking at that chair, same with my brain's spinning that time
you just my last love, i will find better
:)


anyway,
caramel machiatto and butter croisant have mad my day better :D

grow up!

when i wrote this post, i wondered about my metamorphosis :)
i will start when i was in elementary school grade six.

elementary school.
i used to see people from what they did, didn't wanna see with what they have been thought about, i was too young to think about it :p
i had to face that my elementary friends disliked me because of some reasons
those made me feel that i had to escape from this suck school as soon as possible
anyway, didn't they think about my feeling?
ok, it was just kids, just wanna have fun and being selfish.

junior high school.

my experiences from elementary school was changing me a little bit
i started to open my heart for new people
and that maybe against me
without see what they did, but thinking positively
some cases, i felt like i was on my elementary condition
but i had some friends, maybe people called it with: gangster, always made me happier
i walked this junior high school with smile and happiness until i had to separate

senior high school.

new place. new people. new problems
experiences made me stay strong and struggled everything ahead
i still remembered when i whimpered my mom to get a school moving, i couldn't stand and walk on this hardest situation as a new senior high school student
but my mom said that i had to face it, could or couldn't because the advanced step always more complicated to be walked on. showed them, you were a strong girl
anyway, it worked totally!

and now, this is me
with everything i had outside the schools event, i can stand by myself
i learned from experiences. i promised to not repeat my mistakes twice
being stronger and can give some advices for friends that got into problems i have passed
having a maturer mind and thoughts, being braver to say what i want to
i didn't afraid if people said something that against me
because i have felt some feels of ignoring, revenge, disliked, uselessness, et cetera
i enjoyed my life although i have problems, i have fun though i think of my problems
problems made me better, experiences made me learn

it just depends on me and my responses when i got problems

take it easy, solve it slowly, think it twice or more if don't wanna make mistakes
anyway, mistakes also made me understand with choices and consequences i have taken

i have grown up, oh hell yeah!
gonna grow step by step, slowly but sure :D

ex-seniorhighschool suck!

as a alumnus, can't i meet my ex-teachers?
ok, i understood about new rules that is made by new principle
but i just wanted to legalize my report for college needed
can't you please be nice with a girl alumnus?
you always flirty with guys but with girls? such your enemies
hey! i never remember your kindness since i was finishing my education
for me, you just such a kind of sucker
thanks for making a bad memory about those school
i will never come back to that school if i don't have any business!

200 posts :D

my post 200 posts! :D
28 may 2oo8, my first post. 2 years again, blooming until 200 posts.
feel i'm too talkative anyway :)

last time.

dear M,
the first time i talked about you in my blog, you were just one of my best friend
i never want you to be my boyfriend because it will break our friendship. and it happens. we broke up our relationship and also our friendship. i expected too much about that anyway
when i'm with you, i'm just only me. the original of me
you left me with too much memories we ever had
tears. laugh. smile. love. care. sorrow.
those have making my life colorful. those taught me how to love you deeper
i couldn't say thanks, that word never enough to represent everything about you
by the way, i'm still trying to move on. after you gave me a superb last meeting with you and her
i'm not strong as you see me. i'm not a good pretender as you expect to me
i'm fragile and i'm broken. that's all the words which can be said about me
but i wanna be stronger than ever. i wanna you see me when i can stand by myself without you
you, who bring me down into the lowest point
your name never gonna be disappeared, your action will remove from my brain for sure
but your love still alive in my heart
with that, i will find the better one until i can give my heart to him, not you anymore
after all things happened in our relationship, you can take a new one if you want
the new one who better than me. who can take care of you. who love you deeper than me
because all i want about you is:

you're happy with your  life, with your girlfriend. even not me who stand next to you in front of the altar in one of the church in this world

i'm gonna be so happy if you have found the right one, i promise i will come to your wedding.
now, it's time to let you go. walk my life without you again
and i have closed my chapter when there was still 'you' and 'us' in each pages, next chapter will just only 'me'


this is the last time i write about you in my blog. see you! ♥
with love hug kiss, V

as a bestfriend.

i remembered what have happened to us last year.
since you added my blackberry pin, we were maybe starting to be close again.
feel so sorry for hear that, with what i have inflicted after i left you.
thanks God you still want to be friend. i don't know the reason yet, you never told me. but you said you have
something you hide from me, i will wait it until you want to tell me
happy to have a friend like you :)

happy for you :)

what do you mean with that girl?
i already was NOT a part from your life again since i decided it last month. i never regret about it, never ever. but why you so fast get a new one?
jealous? oh sincerely yes. shock? oh hell yeah. sad? maybe. but envy? definitely no!
the most question for you is: why must she?
you know what i feel about her. you know she never likes me. and then? i have to see you sit next to her.
she wants the best for you, it's so good. she called and asked me to come to meet her, firstly i didn't want accepted it. my feeling wasn't well for it. well, i met her at the last.
and what did i see? i thought i would see her ALONE. in fact, there was you. enjoyed her spoiled action.
i didn't want to know about again. i decided to resist everything about you. i didn't want to hear your explain to me about that. i just want to and have to let you go from my life as an ex-partner. do i wrong?
for your healthiness reason, i sheer you off. i do this with my honest heart because you need it.
for those girl, hope she will make you happy and give the best she can until i can see both you stand above dais on which the bridal couple sits. have a happily ever after love story and only death can make both of you apart


i'm happy for you honestly :)

psychotic?

it's been 5 years (maybe), you did those unlogic action
what do you want? what do you need? a confession? an attention?
is there insufficient help from others? is there any shortage?
you realized what you have done, you knew what was going on your environment. but could you please behave?
where's your brain? where's your consciousness? where's your heart?
you have giving pains for people around you especially for people inside your home. have you satisfied?
everyone gives what you wants, afraid if you lose your control and start to mess up again. do you never conscious with all things you do?
the very important thing is you have ruined my beloved people! you such a mess maker for me, for my family! if you did it once twice or maybe thrice, i still can forgive you. but 5 years is not a brief time. many ways have done to make you better, to comfort you, to realize you that you have to accept the truth for your life.
is that nonsense to you? so you still coerce people to understand you
if people try to speak about the life's truth, you play with your own mindset and resist their advice, adhere to your wrong perception
too many people try to help you,  too many people try to understand you, too many events try to conscious you. and everything seems so worst in your eyes because no one support your action and perception. it happened because everyone loves you! everyone wants you get your own happiness with everything you have started. be responsible as a woman, behave like a mature woman, not like a child who permits all ways to get what you want.

and can i call you a psychotic?

family day!

himawan malik's (ko mingming) wedding ♥

ALILA hotel, pecenongan

that's why i always say i have a super big family!

18 nephews, 8 nieces, 9 grand children :)

just 4 cousins didn't come for some reason

congratulations! :D

GI with some cousins ♥

excelso then benhill apartment :)

july's first post.

say hi to july! i know it's not a first day on july, in the middle of the month anyway :p
16 days have left, too much events this month.
i will try to post it as soon as possible
happy july then! :D