a feeling hider.

you have to be patient.

they have their own problem as well.

take it easy.

smile!

it's ok. never mind. let it go.

keep spirit.

and, blah!

those words which I always hear. in every moment, I get something bad.

honestly, can I express what I fell freely? what should I do if anyone of you examine my patience?

should I cry? or keep silent?

what will you react if you see me mad? keep laughing like it's only a joke? or feeling any guilty?

what will people recognize about those things? silly? or serious?

and, should I response you like usual? only smiling and silent? crying like a kid? or yelling at you?

do I change? do I look different? do I do something which is really not me at all?

I exactly realize there are some differences within' me. not like me as usual.

somehow, I should be honest that I don't like being such a hider. a feeling hider, who always pretends.

I swear, being a feeling hider is not cool! have you ever felt you are cool enough if you can hide your feeling?

I torture myself.

I just don't want people feel uncomforted, because I know my limit when I get mad.

I can hurt all people with my words. my mouth such changing into a sharp knife.

I know I will be uncontrolled. no one can stop me to do what I want which is bad.

but, I can't hold this feeling alone. or only telling to God.

sometimes I need to express. let people know what I really feel in my heart, in my brain.

can I get it?

should I always cry when I can't hold on it any more? always ends with tears which is only me and God knows. or should I mad sometimes by taking the risk that you guys will judge me bad?

now, I'm really extremely exactly completely tired for being a feeling hider :(