disappointed.

i'mdisappointedwithsomeonewholookssoperfecttomeforallofmylife.

but you know? i tried to be better but when i'm out of control, " it " looks like a person who hates me a lot. maybe like a murder.

no one know about this fact. i don't want to tell anybody that " it " has hurt myself. but i just want to share and make my sadness become decrease. if someone thinks that i want to anybody know about this, they do a BIG WRONG in their life.

because a lot of people around me always looks from negative side, not from positive side. and i have seen it + felt it . it's so uncomfortable.

i don't know too why " it " can do it to me. i never think " it " can be push me and has a unheavyhand for touch my cheek rapidly. it makes marks from my face and my heart. i will never forget about this until i must die.

i'm not a resentful person who will reply " it " as " it " do it to me. but i just can't make this relationship back like usual. because of my heart already hurt so deep and maybe permanently.

for a while, i thank GOD, i have " it " in my life. " it " always meaningful to me. but now? i don't think like that again. even though " it " will be back like before we fight.

what must i do now? i'm not hate " it ". i swear with it. i just want to show " it " that my voice and my mind still true.

sometimes i can be like an impolite girl. i know it. and i have a sense of egoism not too much. but why " it " always sensitive with this? why " it " never understand me if i have this? and why " it" can't check " it "self?

there's so many question *why*, but i know, it never answer. because i already hopeless with this. nothing to do. i have surrendered at all. :(