brokenhearted girl :)

there's a part of me that you never don't know or maybe you will not care about it
something i never said to anyone even my superb bestfriend

if i'm looked from outside, absolutely people will say i'm a tough girl
but do you know i'm broken inside?
i bury a feeling that i never want to say and keep it alone
yes, this is me. a brokenhearted girl :)
apparently looks so funny, easy going, cheerful, active, etc.
but do you realize i keep something and my eyes can't lie about it?
let me ask,
do you know i always cry in the middle of my night because of one reason?
yes, i cry for something that i know i can't reach it
do you know i always keep my mouth close when my head spin about the only one reason?
yes, i keep it for myself alone and kill myself softly
do you know i always hold my emotion because i'm afraid i lose my control?
yes, i scared if that condition has to repeat again

i wrote this post, hold my tears from falling
remembering you is such a fear for me
everything's spinning in my head and automatically made my tears fall from my eyes
you hate me when i was crying because i remembered your words: when you cry, your tears will move to my eyes. then it step down to my heart, and you know? your tears were making a great pain for me
see? every words you told to me, every action you did to me, every breath you took in front of me - always drown me into the same condition again. missing you so badly
i don't know how people can easily say to forget you, they never feel my position!
once again, i'm a brokenhearted girl
if you see me in privately moment, you will know about me at the real condition
i leave my mask in front of you, i'm just a girl who has a great pain in my heart
and no one knows about it even my family
you're not mine again, i realize. but you still hold my heart, accept or not
some guys try to approach me and what i did? i always made a difference table between you and him
am i making a mistake for that condition?
often i said i miss you, i want to move back the time, and some words about it
but in fact, i didn't because all i want is not only like that
i want a change! a better condition from our last moments and a better chapter

as a brokenhearted girl, i try to stand up from the pieces of my heart
try to cheer up though my heart always feel the pain
try to accept the truth that everything has to be done
try to move on though i don't know how to move on if i still in love with you
try to keep everything alone and only me know about it
try to set my heart free from you and your love which i still feel
try to drown you into my deepest memories i haven't to remember again
try to survive in my life without you in little things we have done together
try to be normal and act like nothing happen in my life
and,
i try to be a tough girl based on your words that you ever gave to me
being your dream girl in my imagination only

and i'm proud to say: i'm a brokenhearted girl! :)
still being broken until someone can bring a glue to stick my heart from thousand pieces
actually he will be another guy, not you anymore