pain. painful. painless.

those months which i have stepped by myself alone, is really hard.
i can't promise everything. i can't prove anything.
and even for what i have said, it's just like a bullshit.
some times, i ever thought to glue my heart from pieces for you.
but, you seemed so ignorant and let my heart break again.


i tried to fix everything. to start from the first time.
pretend to smile and laugh. outside.
i n s i d e. i'm dead broken. totally broken.
take it easy anything doesn't mean i never think about you.


the time i remind everything, is really crazy.
tears can't answer my questions.
pretending can't solve this feeling.
being natural can't lie my highly hope about this.


you walked your life as usual as you can.
didn't think about everything around you.
and even me, who always stand by you. though it used to.
you cleared your heart from my name. my face. our memories. our love.
you reject me,
but you still can't lie to me.


i know you. you're still the same.
if you change, it's just a pretending action.
i love you. you're still the winner of my heart.
if you get me off, it's just your own way.
i still stand for you. right here. right now.


i'm a weak girl, apparently.
but if you seek inside my heart, i'm just trying to make better in everything.
you don't know the suffer to face this truth alone.
you're just to selfish of yourself and never think about me.


look! see! feel!
do i want to hurt you?
do i need to make you hurt?
do i say: i don't love you any more?
do i act like i don't care?


you know what can make me fall for you again.
you know how to do it. you do it successfully.
what kind of feeling do you give me after we broke up?
play your games? play your rules?
you know. i will a l w a y s have a space for you.
is it enough? or still less? want more?


this is the effect from everything.
this is what you always try to tell me.
this is what i feel.
and this, still i hold in my heart until i'm gone from this life.


pain. painful. painless.