heart's escape.

did you remember about october last year? yeah, we broken off with some reason.
and after we decided to separate, i lost my heart. everything.
so when i was very close with one of my boy friend, i victimized him for being my heart's escape just because i needed your attendence in my life. i tried to replace you with another boy after everything left us hurtly.
for 2 months i have done my escape. i went with him, watched movies, chit chat, telephoning, messaging, chatting, accompanying in sad or happy condition, and more. i thought, i could forget you, started a new relationship with others. forgot ours. oh hell yeah, i did it not just with one boy but 3 at once. i knew i was crazy.
in my escaping period, i didn't get anything. still felt empty even they have done the same like you or maybe more. and i realized, i have hurted them. they confessed to me that they have a feeling for me.
when one of them held my hand, i just kept silence. felt like it was you who held my hand tightly.
when one of them telephoned or messaged me, i just replied it. felt like it was you who did it to me.
when one of them went with me to somewhere, i just followed him. felt like it was you who walked beside me.
i was dumb. i was stupid. i was selfish. i didn't think about their feeling.
my heart's escape was finished when you started to communicate with me again. just friend for the first time. slowly but sure, it made us recognized what we have done so far was so precious too leave. we still have the feeling of loving (:
and everything turned back into usual. then my escape boy? i don't know. conciously, i took a distance. but one of them have a wall face. the other one confessed to me that he just waited for me and queued. and the last one? he has just got a new girlfriend. i'm happy for you too the last one. sorry i have hurted you all.
these was my first confession after i shared with my best last monday. thanks girls! you were the best ever! :D